BY SUSAN PROSSER
Never give up hope that you can trust again, you just have to
understand what a healthy friendship is and once you’ve found it, don’t
Okay, I have to start somewhere so here goes. First of all, thank you for reading my blog (my first, in fact!) I have been putting this off for a long time (over a year, I have to admit) and recently I’ve been thinking about why I delayed. I eventually realised that this was due to my own feelings of self-worth and that voice in my head telling me “You, write a blog? Who do you think you are?”
Then all of the excuses came flooding in like will people read it? Will it be interesting? Will the grammar be okay? So I guess ultimately what all that meant was would it be good enough, am I good enough… and on and on and on!
Well, I decided it is time to deal with these self-limiting beliefs and thoughts and will no longer allow them to hold me back. Procrastination and perfectionism no longer serves me so I am going to trust in the process and believe that it IS okay for me to write a blog. So here it is!
There are so many topics I could write about but one that feels close to my heart focuses on connection; including loving touch and support. With our lives becoming busier and people striving for more in this cyber world we now live in, I wonder, have we become disconnected? We have been told that technology brings us closer and yes, I see people with their chunky headphones on walking down the street talking with their friends and with social media we have access to worldwide friendships. But what happened to direct contact? It appears to becoming less fashionable. Considering the impact of the media it is no wonder we have grown to question our neighbours and become less trusting. The more my work as a practitioner has become involved in helping people with addiction; the more I see and feel how extremely important this fundamental need for connection is.
Having experienced emotional suffering myself, all I could focus on during those times was how to protect myself from further hurt by locking myself away; thus ensuring that I was disconnected from the world.
How do you ask for help? Well I don’t really have the answer to that? I guess this is when you find out who the real people (friends) are in your life and how understanding and supportive your family is (if your fortunate enough to have family). Having a network of people around you whom you feel safe with is so important to your mental health and overall wellbeing.
Social media doesn’t always help. It can motivate people to try to outdo each other and show the world only the best, edited versions of our lives. I too have been guilty of that, despite knowing that all it really brings is emptiness, competition and confusion.
My biggest hope for obtaining true connection is by creating a retreat that allows you to take some time out to work on your healing processes. A place where you connect with others without these external distractions and more importantly re-connect with our own bodies and minds, learning how to take better care of ourselves and nurture ourselves with compassion.
When I see beautiful people like many of my patients recommending their family and friends and wanting all good things for them, it gives me hope. This type of connection brings about positivity and gives us strength and support in a safe and trusted environment.
What I’m hoping to convey with this blog is to ask you to connect, just for today. Who knows, tomorrow you may find it easier to do so again. Connection may be just asking somebody how their day went, and then truly LISTENING to their response. Start small (baby steps!) and build from there.
Never give up hope that you can trust again. There are people out there who want to see you thrive, you just have to understand what a healthy friendship is and once you’ve found it, don’t let go.